This past weekend, I was in a leadership training workshop where I had a chance to take a good hard look at the impact of not being Cause in the Matter in my life. Meaning, where am I playing victim and not taking responsibility for areas of life that matter to me.
When I am not Cause in the Matter, I'm at the mercy of anything and everything. I play the Game of Blames with people like my partner, but also with my unfolded laundry, traffic from construction on the street, a 24 hour day, feeling tired, the cold weather, feeling bad about skipping a few weeks in my newsletter publishing schedule, etc. etc. etc.
You see, I can literally fill an entire newsletter with all the ways not being Cause in the Matter shows up in my life.
Mind you, this is not the kind of game anyone wants to win. "Winning" the Game of Blames costs you personal power, self-expression, and action. For me, fighting with the guilt of "I didn't publish on schedule" resulted in trying to compensate by finishing those week's drafts in order to win. Unfortunately, this was worse than pulling teeth because the drafts no longer had the energy and relevance of the moment.
NO WONDER it felt so hard!
Guys, two games in life not worth playing - the Squid Game, and the Game of Blames.
Here's where having a coach has been so helpful. After being stuck for the past weeks, my coach suggested a three-step process to get back on track:
Acknowledge the breakdown and where you are playing victim
Redeclare myself Cause in the Matter
Set up a personal practice involving others to get you through the breakdowns
This is where I am now:
I acknowledged that I didn't keep my word to publish weekly to myself and my loyal readers.
I called myself out for playing victim to "I didn't finish my old draft so I can't move on". Then, I rain checked that draft and declared that I will write and publish a newsletter relevant to this week.
I finally added my writing groups to my calendar and committed myself to showing up.
I hit publish on this newsletter! And voila! I'm no longer stuck (in this area at least).
Phew! Turns out, the only way to win the Game of Blames - is not to play at all.
I can highly recommend reading Derek Siver's latest book How to Live :)